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Jan. 6th, 2011 @ 04:26 am Putting Away Childish Things.
I really should be trying to get to sleep, but I'm in a really good mood, and I wanted to post something. I mean, I don't do much writing anymore, and that's disappointing, especially because it was my single life goal for a long time. For the most part, I usually use this thing to mark milestones, or to chart my life's progress (so later when I look back on my posts I can see where I was at during a given period of my life.)

I used to post here all the time, and as the years have gone by and I've become more healthy and stable I felt the need to post here less and less and less.

Its funny, really. The things you learn given time. I'd say its wisdom, but I don't think I'm old enough to have much of that yet. Instead, I'll say its a stunning array of coincidences, serendipity, and the occasional good decision. But for the last six months, my life has just gotten better, and better, and better.

I can't remember a time when I've felt so centered, and stable, and sane. It's been a long time coming, and I've had to crawl through shit (sometimes literally) to get here, but, slowly over the last three years I've eliminated much of the chaos, and bad influence, from my life, and realized a lot of the potential that everyone has always told me I have.

At this moment, I live in a penthouse apartment in the central district of Seattle. I have an amazing group of people in my life. My roommates are two people that I am proud to live with (especially because they both swore never to live with me again. ;) ), I consider both of 'em family, and though I'm sure they don't want their names here, it's totally Mikey and Lindsay.


I have two jobs, and though one of them causes me no end of stress, I appreciate them both. They have their ups and downs, but they keep me interested, and I make better money than I've ever made before. (Even Selling Cars)

Jai Thai has morphed into a place that I love. I slogged through the mess only to have the place blossom under my steady hand. (It's funny, I don't wanna toot my own horn or seem arrogant, but I was the driving force behind the change, and though I did have a lot of help, I made sure they changes took, and my programs are mostly successful and the bar is making significantly more money than it did before I took over.)

The Buddha Bar is a shitshow. I'm not kidding when I say this. the place needs a lot of help, and to be completely honest, I don't know if I'm the right guy for the job. But I'm doing the best I can to stabilize the place and instilling new programs that will, hopefully, improve the place. Time will tell, and I just need to have the patience to understand how to guide it, my staff, to the best of my capabilities.

I also have an amazing woman in my life. We've been friends for years, and just a couple of months ago we moved out of friendship into something else. (something I really like.) It's hard for me to talk about it, I've spent too many years ranting about the roller coaster of my relationships in this space to ever be comfortable with it again.

Let's just say, that she fills all my requirements. She's smart, beautiful, literate, funny, and ridiculous. We share many things in common, but have an equal number of separate interests. We're both very adventurous, and like to spend quality time with the other. She's affectionate, and is unabashed about showing it. We have great chemistry, comedic timing, and my friends all like her. She's got a short skirt and a long jacket. Most importantly, our values are in line. We have the same ideas about relationships and we both have the experience to know how to conduct ourselves. She's considerate, playful, and sees the fnords. I really like her, as a person, and as a partner, and I hope this blossoms into something deeply meaningful.

I am grateful to have had the experiences I've had. (even the horrible ones, or the over the top histrionic, drama induced emotionally broken ones.) I've learned so much, about how to be a good, loyal, caring person, and I've stripped the pretense, the affectation, and bitterness out of my personality. I've never felt like such a strong person, and I'm, finally, in a position to give back all the good cheer and love that I've received over these difficult years.

So thank you. Thank you for being my friends, my surrogate family. For nursing me through the hard times, and now we can exult in the joy that is our present and future. Of course we expect difficulties, obstacles, problems, but we're not children anymore. We have grown into ourselves, learned the hardest lessons, and for the first time, we can handle it.

jm
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From:angelpsalm
Date:January 6th, 2011 02:55 pm (UTC)
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Holy metric shitstorm volumes of verbiage... I could get used to it but- I read that you're feeling less venty about life things.

I haven't grown into myself, I'm growing around the unknown but it is with a forward momentum that I do so.

Keep on keeping on my friend.
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From:fetishnun
Date:January 6th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
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I am very happy for you, and very proud of you and your accomplishments, and the peace you have.

We should all get together sometime for dinner.

Love you!

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From:nobodylkl
Date:January 6th, 2011 06:51 pm (UTC)
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Yay! Win! I'm very happy for you and proud of you.
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From:nobodylkl
Date:January 6th, 2011 06:51 pm (UTC)
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and I miss you!
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From:groverkitty
Date:January 11th, 2011 05:34 am (UTC)
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I'm happy for you that you've found some happiness, inner strength, and peace. Wish to fucking hell I could...